We all have our days of challenge. That’s why I love the days when everything goes perfectly. As if the planets have aligned to bring me really good things. It offsets the really tough days or moments. It doesn’t necessarily make it easier in the moment, but there are definitely some little tricks in my bag of “Create Your Best Life” goodies that I tap into that bring me back to center.

I lived in Minnesota from December of 2004, moving back to California in October of 2007. My daughter was in her first year of college and my son was in his last year of high school. In 2005, my daughter decided to move to Louisiana to help with the Katrina efforts and my son signed up to join the Navy. My kids had grown up and taking on the world.

The day before Father’s Day in 2006, I was in a car accident with my son. We were driving from the Twin Cities to the Dells of Wisconsin to attend a funeral. It was the funeral for my mom’s sister. I told her my son and I would represent the family in California.

Five hours into the drive, my son fell asleep at the wheel. I could drive over 20 hours through really boring, flat countryside, so I was surprised when my son fell asleep in 5 hours. My older sister has admitted that she can’t drive more than 2 hours at a stretch. Personally, I don’t get it. But, there I was staring out my open passenger window, on a really gorgeous sunny day, and the only thought that went through my mind as the car transported over three lanes of highway sideways at the speed of light toward the side of the road was, “Oh shit.” We never made it to the funeral and all I remember about the actual accident was looking out the window, watching the side of the road and trees coming at me.

I had taken my seat belt off during the trip, having reached into the back seat for something to eat, or drink, or read. I don’t remember. I don’t remember when I flew through the open passenger window, as the car rolled three times. My son was able to get out of the car and couldn’t find me. I wasn’t around the car, I wasn’t under the car, and he couldn’t find my mobile phone. He went back to the highway to flag down help. Someone who could help him find me and hopefully had a phone to call emergency services.

I woke up the next day in a hospital. Fractured spinal column, fractured bone in my arm, fractured skull, a collapsed lung (those were the big things to overcome), and other things I don’t recall. It hurt to move even a little. My son had a little patch of hair missing from his scalp. Really, that was it. When the car rolled, it seemed to smash the roof down on the driver side of the vehicle where he sat. He was 18 and 6’2”, with his head already skimming the top of the Saturn roof.

I discovered later, while I was in the hospital, my only living grandparent, my grandmother, had died.

A year after the car accident, September of 2007, my mom called me asking me to come back “home.” My brother had been diagnosed with liver cancer. We didn’t know how long he had to live. I put my notice in at work and one month later I was back in California. Upon arriving, one week later, my brother died

In November of 2007, my son left for basic training in the Navy and my mom went into surgery for a hip replacement. Actually, it was to replace the hip she had done the first time over 20 years earlier. The surgery was a great success, but, at the recovery facility, she was loaded up on so much medication that she nearly died and was transported back to the hospital. When the hospital called me to tell me that she was doing well enough to go back to the recovery facility, I told them to release her to come home where I would take care of her. Within one week, a therapist and I had her walking with the aid of a walker.

I then started looking for work, during a time when California didn’t have a lot of jobs to pick from. Within one month, I had a job offer with the State of California. I officially became a “civil servant.” I started at the bottom, making literally half the income I made ten years ago. Within the first month at the job, I moved from my mom’s as her “in-home care provider” to my own place. The studio in Old Sacramento. That first year at the job with the State, I was then faced with three furlough days a month, which further cut into my pockets.

This is just the past four years. A lot!

There were successes:

• learning yoga to help my flexibility and strengthen my bones so I don’t have to live on pain killers for my back and head;
• moving from the snow and cold and back to the warm, dry weather;
• finding work;
• finding an apartment close to work;
• back to the gym to lose the weight I had gained from the stress and occasional bouts of depression.

And there were challenges:

• dealing with constant pain, which the Vicadin really only barely touched anyway;
• a new job with a boss who REALLY does not like me;
• making new friends; and
• basically, starting over.

So what are some of the things I’ve learned over the years?

Know, by grace, you are all blessed.

Even when you feel like curling up into a little ball to die, know that this too shall pass.  There are several phrases that come to mind.

• My sister has a motto, “It could be worse.” I hate it when she says this because, well, yeah, anything could be worse. But, to me, that reinforces the negative tendency she has of thinking.  Anything can be better too.
• “Make lemonade out of lemons.” This is closer to my motto. I think, “What do I need to do to turn this around?” and “How does this make me stronger?” or “What can I take away from this that I can apply in life that makes me more compassionate, tolerant, patient, appreciate the people and things I do have in my life, what’s important, what’s not important, what my values are, reinforcing integrity in my life, and assessing the people and things I allow to take up space in my life.”
• “God only gives you what you can handle.” What?!! Now realize that without challenges, life would be boring. We would not stretch ourselves to the full potential of what we are capable of without a push. I get that there are people who find some kind of sick satisfaction in wallowing in their tragedy, but I want to be the person that my kids can look up to and want to look up to. When my kids are faced with their challenges, they will reach inside themselves for the courage to do what it takes. And, yes, I also hope to inspire my kids to do great things.

Hold onto your confidence (and self-esteem) and don’t let anyone take it away from you.

You will come across “haters” and they will try to tear you down. I have to admit that there aren’t too many people who intimidate me. We are no better and no less than the homeless on the street or the high position, power person. However, you will come across people who, because of their own insecurities, will do everything they can to wreak havoc in your life, attempt to sabotage your career or efforts to reach your goals, or damage your reputation. It isn’t about you! These are people who perpetuate and project their insecurities onto others in order to make themselves feel better.

I know, weird and stupid. We should be lifting each other up and helping one another, not tearing each other down. Do not allow these people to inflict doubt and mental damage in your thinking! You bring value to each person you meet, you are here with talents and something to offer in all that you do and to all those who come into contact with you. Whether a smile on the street to and from a stranger, picking up your coffee every morning from the same coffee house, your boss, colleagues, family, on the phone, your online social network, etc. You bring value, make it positive and make it count. You don’t always get a second chance. It’s possible that you could be that person they connect with in that day that turns their day around.

Trust is hard to gain, but easy to lose.

Surround yourself with good people.

Friends who inspire you and cheer you on. Develop relationships with people you admire and respect. Make time for the people who are important to you. It takes effort. You might find this surprising, but some of the most successful people are also the most generous with their time, gratitude, and words of encouragement. Genuine success lifts people up. How do you think they got to be so successful? Yes, there are those who gain success through methods that are not reputable or ethical, but they deal with the consequences and ultimately pay a price. I would rather pay a price for doing what I believe is the right thing to do. Also, remember, money is not the measure of success.

Read.

Read books about people who inspire you, like biographies or autobiographies. Read books that are encouraging, inspiring, and motivational. Read books to gain knowledge and expand your skills. First, with the library and, now, with the internet, knowledge is free. You can find information on anything you want and apply them to yourself.

Knowledge is freedom.

Write.

Write about your challenge and what the hero would do. Be graphic and detailed. Then, BE the hero. It’s one way to put into motion to becoming your own hero in your own story. This life is your story. How would you like to see it unfold?

Create your own haven.

Mine is my home. It’s beautiful, warm, inviting, cozy, and I’m surround by lots of books and wonderful music. I can escape whatever chaos is going on around me and outside of myself and I have absolute control over what I decide to do with my haven. Sometimes I like to completely escape, no phone calls, no visitors, just me and whatever I choose to do or not do. Or I invite special people into my haven who I love and appreciate.

Take care of yourself.

I like to take luxurious baths. I make great efforts to eat good, clean food, prepared at home. I go to the gym or workout at home. I write on my blog that allows me to connect with like-minded people, like you. Laying by the pool; connecting with friends and family; reading; watching a movie. Do things you love. Find what you are passionate about and do those things that allow you to pursue and connect to it.

Find your dream and make a plan.

Do the things that take you closer to doing what you love.

Simplify your life.

That could mean cutting up credit cards and living on what you make. Clearing out things in your life you don’t want, don’t need, or just taking up space. Clear up your past. Are there things in your past that are holding you back because you have unresolved “crap” that you should be taking care of to move forward? Are there people you need to forgive or make amends to? My past has a nice collection of bad choices and decisions. It doesn’t make me a bad person, it does make me value the lessons I’ve learned and employs my creativity to figure out how to fix or resolve the fallout. We all have project resolution skills. Put it on your resume! We put resolution skills to work on our most important project, ourselves.

Simply love yourself.

We all have our flaws and imperfections. Sometimes, they can be our greatest assets. It just depends on how you decide to view them. Refer back to the “Lemon/Lemonade” analogy. If you can’t tap into appreciating and loving yourself, how can you possibly give to others what you don’t have. It’s like the glass with a crack in it. It can never be filled and it is exhausting for anybody else to have the burden of trying to fill it. Once again, realize that you bring value to your relationships and connections. Nobody is looking for perfect, just human, and has confidence in their own unique gifts and talents. Once again, become the person you envision and do whatever it takes to make that happen.

Everybody has his or her story. This is just a little bit of my story and what I have taken away from some of my own experiences and make efforts to apply. I’m still a work in progress and ever evolving. I still find myself looking for validation in others, but reminding myself that it is more important of what I think of myself. I’m still hurt when other people do things to me to inflict pain or negativity. I still have my insecurities. In the end, I love who I am, the person I am becoming, the strength I have discovered in myself, the lessons learned, and the person I know I can be.

What are some of the things you do bring out your best? What is your story? What is your biggest challenge? What are you doing to face your challenges head on and overcome? What is your one great tip that you live by? I hope you will share with the rest of us. We could all use inspiration.

You are AMAZING!