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© 2010 Administrative Sparkle Blog
We all have our days of challenge. That’s why I love the days when everything goes perfectly. As if the planets have aligned to bring me really good things. It offsets the really tough days or moments. It doesn’t necessarily make it easier in the moment, but there are definitely some little tricks in my bag of “Create Your Best Life” goodies that I tap into that bring me back to center.
I lived in Minnesota from December of 2004, moving back to California in October of 2007. My daughter was in her first year of college and my son was in his last year of high school. In 2005, my daughter decided to move to Louisiana to help with the Katrina efforts and my son signed up to join the Navy. My kids had grown up and taking on the world.
The day before Father’s Day in 2006, I was in a car accident with my son. We were driving from the Twin Cities to the Dells of Wisconsin to attend a funeral. It was the funeral for my mom’s sister. I told her my son and I would represent the family in California.
Five hours into the drive, my son fell asleep at the wheel. I could drive over 20 hours through really boring, flat countryside, so I was surprised when my son fell asleep in 5 hours. My older sister has admitted that she can’t drive more than 2 hours at a stretch. Personally, I don’t get it. But, there I was staring out my open passenger window, on a really gorgeous sunny day, and the only thought that went through my mind as the car transported over three lanes of highway sideways at the speed of light toward the side of the road was, “Oh shit.” We never made it to the funeral and all I remember about the actual accident was looking out the window, watching the side of the road and trees coming at me.
I had taken my seat belt off during the trip, having reached into the back seat for something to eat, or drink, or read. I don’t remember. I don’t remember when I flew through the open passenger window, as the car rolled three times. My son was able to get out of the car and couldn’t find me. I wasn’t around the car, I wasn’t under the car, and he couldn’t find my mobile phone. He went back to the highway to flag down help. Someone who could help him find me and hopefully had a phone to call emergency services.
I woke up the next day in a hospital. Fractured spinal column, fractured bone in my arm, fractured skull, a collapsed lung (those were the big things to overcome), and other things I don’t recall. It hurt to move even a little. My son had a little patch of hair missing from his scalp. Really, that was it. When the car rolled, it seemed to smash the roof down on the driver side of the vehicle where he sat. He was 18 and 6’2”, with his head already skimming the top of the Saturn roof.
I discovered later, while I was in the hospital, my only living grandparent, my grandmother, had died.
A year after the car accident, September of 2007, my mom called me asking me to come back “home.” My brother had been diagnosed with liver cancer. We didn’t know how long he had to live. I put my notice in at work and one month later I was back in California. Upon arriving, one week later, my brother died
In November of 2007, my son left for basic training in the Navy and my mom went into surgery for a hip replacement. Actually, it was to replace the hip she had done the first time over 20 years earlier. The surgery was a great success, but, at the recovery facility, she was loaded up on so much medication that she nearly died and was transported back to the hospital. When the hospital called me to tell me that she was doing well enough to go back to the recovery facility, I told them to release her to come home where I would take care of her. Within one week, a therapist and I had her walking with the aid of a walker.
I then started looking for work, during a time when California didn’t have a lot of jobs to pick from. Within one month, I had a job offer with the State of California. I officially became a “civil servant.” I started at the bottom, making literally half the income I made ten years ago. Within the first month at the job, I moved from my mom’s as her “in-home care provider” to my own place. The studio in Old Sacramento. That first year at the job with the State, I was then faced with three furlough days a month, which further cut into my pockets.
This is just the past four years. A lot!
There were successes:
- learning yoga to help my flexibility and strengthen my bones so I don’t have to live on pain killers for my back and head;
- moving from the snow and cold and back to the warm, dry weather;
- finding work;
- finding an apartment close to work;
- back to the gym to lose the weight I had gained from the stress and occasional bouts of depression.
And there were challenges:
- dealing with constant pain, which the Vicadin really only barely touched anyway;
- a new job with a boss who REALLY does not like me;
- making new friends; and
- basically, starting over.
So what are some of the things I’ve learned over the years?
Know, by grace, you are all blessed.
Even when you feel like curling up into a little ball to die, know that this too shall pass. There are several phrases that come to mind.
- My sister has a motto, “It could be worse.” I hate it when she says this because, well, yeah, anything could be worse. But, to me, that reinforces the negative tendency she has of thinking. Anything can be better too.
- “Make lemonade out of lemons.” This is closer to my motto. I think, “What do I need to do to turn this around?” and “How does this make me stronger?” or “What can I take away from this that I can apply in life that makes me more compassionate, tolerant, patient, appreciate the people and things I do have in my life, what’s important, what’s not important, what my values are, reinforcing integrity in my life, and assessing the people and things I allow to take up space in my life.”
- “God only gives you what you can handle.” What?!! Now realize that without challenges, life would be boring. We would not stretch ourselves to the full potential of what we are capable of without a push. I get that there are people who find some kind of sick satisfaction in wallowing in their tragedy, but I want to be the person that my kids can look up to and want to look up to. When my kids are faced with their challenges, they will reach inside themselves for the courage to do what it takes. And, yes, I also hope to inspire my kids to do great things.
Hold onto your confidence (and self-esteem) and don’t let anyone take it away from you.
You will come across “haters” and they will try to tear you down. I have to admit that there aren’t too many people who intimidate me. We are no better and no less than the homeless on the street or the high position, power person. However, you will come across people who, because of their own insecurities, will do everything they can to wreak havoc in your life, attempt to sabotage your career or efforts to reach your goals, or damage your reputation. It isn’t about you! These are people who perpetuate and project their insecurities onto others in order to make themselves feel better.
I know, weird and stupid. We should be lifting each other up and helping one another, not tearing each other down. Do not allow these people to inflict doubt and mental damage in your thinking! You bring value to each person you meet, you are here with talents and something to offer in all that you do and to all those who come into contact with you. Whether a smile on the street to and from a stranger, picking up your coffee every morning from the same coffee house, your boss, colleagues, family, on the phone, your online social network, etc. You bring value, make it positive and make it count. You don’t always get a second chance. It’s possible that you could be that person they connect with in that day that turns their day around.
Trust is hard to gain, but easy to lose.
Surround yourself with good people.
Friends who inspire you and cheer you on. Develop relationships with people you admire and respect. Make time for the people who are important to you. It takes effort. You might find this surprising, but some of the most successful people are also the most generous with their time, gratitude, and words of encouragement. Genuine success lifts people up. How do you think they got to be so successful? Yes, there are those who gain success through methods that are not reputable or ethical, but they deal with the consequences and ultimately pay a price. I would rather pay a price for doing what I believe is the right thing to do. Also, remember, money is not the measure of success.
Read.
Read books about people who inspire you, like biographies or autobiographies. Read books that are encouraging, inspiring, and motivational. Read books to gain knowledge and expand your skills. First, with the library and, now, with the internet, knowledge is free. You can find information on anything you want and apply them to yourself.
Knowledge is freedom.
Write.
Write about your challenge and what the hero would do. Be graphic and detailed. Then, BE the hero. It’s one way to put into motion to becoming your own hero in your own story. This life is your story. How would you like to see it unfold?
Create your own haven.
Mine is my home. It’s beautiful, warm, inviting, cozy, and I’m surround by lots of books and wonderful music. I can escape whatever chaos is going on around me and outside of myself and I have absolute control over what I decide to do with my haven. Sometimes I like to completely escape, no phone calls, no visitors, just me and whatever I choose to do or not do. Or I invite special people into my haven who I love and appreciate.
Take care of yourself.
I like to take luxurious baths. I make great efforts to eat good, clean food, prepared at home. I go to the gym or workout at home. I write on my blog that allows me to connect with like-minded people, like you. Laying by the pool; connecting with friends and family; reading; watching a movie. Do things you love. Find what you are passionate about and do those things that allow you to pursue and connect to it.
Find your dream and make a plan.
Do the things that take you closer to doing what you love.
Simplify your life.
That could mean cutting up credit cards and living on what you make. Clearing out things in your life you don’t want, don’t need, or just taking up space. Clear up your past. Are there things in your past that are holding you back because you have unresolved “crap” that you should be taking care of to move forward? Are there people you need to forgive or make amends to? My past has a nice collection of bad choices and decisions. It doesn’t make me a bad person, it does make me value the lessons I’ve learned and employs my creativity to figure out how to fix or resolve the fallout. We all have project resolution skills. Put it on your resume! We put resolution skills to work on our most important project, ourselves.
Simply love yourself.
We all have our flaws and imperfections. Sometimes, they can be our greatest assets. It just depends on how you decide to view them. Refer back to the “Lemon/Lemonade” analogy. If you can’t tap into appreciating and loving yourself, how can you possibly give to others what you don’t have. It’s like the glass with a crack in it. It can never be filled and it is exhausting for anybody else to have the burden of trying to fill it. Once again, realize that you bring value to your relationships and connections. Nobody is looking for perfect, just human, and has confidence in their own unique gifts and talents. Once again, become the person you envision and do whatever it takes to make that happen.
Everybody has his or her story. This is just a little bit of my story and what I have taken away from some of my own experiences and make efforts to apply. I’m still a work in progress and ever evolving. I still find myself looking for validation in others, but reminding myself that it is more important of what I think of myself. I’m still hurt when other people do things to me to inflict pain or negativity. I still have my insecurities. In the end, I love who I am, the person I am becoming, the strength I have discovered in myself, the lessons learned, and the person I know I can be.
What are some of the things you do bring out your best? What is your story? What is your biggest challenge? What are you doing to face your challenges head on and overcome? What is your one great tip that you live by? I hope you will share with the rest of us. We could all use inspiration.
You are AMAZING!
I too suffer from procrastination. Procrastinating on things that are important to me, that can propel me in a direction I want to go; but, nevertheless, procrastinating.
It’s good to take some time for yourself and relax, but when it takes away from the things you should be doing, the only person who suffers is yourself. In the end, you have nobody to blame but yourself.
So get moving, schedule in what you need to do and then, like Nike puts it so directly, commit and “Just Do It.”
Procrastination is defined by Webster’s as:
- To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.
- To postpone or delay needlessly.
I could very well stop right here. After all, those are some pretty strong words that get the point across quite succinctly, carelessness, laziness, needlessly.
Personally, the effects of procrastination can result in stress, guilt, a sense of crisis or urgency, and loss of productivity. Socially, disapproval and a reputation for not being dependable, lack of responsibility, and the inability to be accountable to your commitments or actions. Whether you are procrastinating in your personal life or with friends, family, and your employer, do you really want to be seen as someone that can’t be depended on to the people who matter to you most, let alone yourself.
So why do we procrastinate? Some were stated above in the definition: carelessness, laziness. Other reasons I would add would be fear, anxiety, believing that it isn’t that important.
There are two types of procrastinators according to Wikipedia. You have the Relaxed type and the Tense-Afraid type.
The Relaxed Type
The relaxed type of procrastinators view their responsibilities negatively and avoid them by directing energy into other tasks. It is common, for example, for relaxed type procrastinating children to abandon schoolwork but not their social lives. Students often see projects as a whole rather than breaking them into smaller parts. This type of procrastination is a form of denial or cover-up; therefore, typically no help is being sought. Furthermore, they are also unable to defer gratification. The procrastinator avoids situations that would cause displeasure, indulging instead in more enjoyable activities. In Freudian terms, such procrastinators refuse to renounce the pleasure principle, instead sacrificing the reality principle. They may not appear to be worried about work and deadlines, but this is simply an evasion of the work that needs to be completed.
The Tense-Afraid Type
The tense-afraid type of procrastinators usually feel overwhelmed with pressure, unrealistic about time, uncertain about goals, and many other negative feelings. They may feel a sense of malaise. Feeling that they lack the ability or focus to successfully complete their work, they tell themselves that they need to unwind and relax, that it’s better to take it easy for the afternoon, for example, and start afresh in the morning. They usually have grandiose plans that aren’t realistic. Their ‘relaxing’ is often temporary and ineffective, and leads to even more stress as time runs out, deadlines approach and the person feels increasingly guilty and apprehensive. This behavior becomes a cycle of failure and delay, as plans and goals are put off, pencilled into the following day or week in the diary again and again. It can also have a debilitating effect on their personal lives and relationships. Since they are uncertain about their goals, they often feel awkward with people who appear confident and goal-oriented, which can lead to depression. Tense-afraid procrastinators often withdraw from social life, avoiding contact even with close friends.
I will admit that I think I display characteristics from both of these types depending on what it is I’m procrastinating with. Some of the things I find myself procrastinating on:
- Painting my toenails. With the weather warming up, I’m wearing sandals and open-toe shoes and going to the pool. Polished toes is about the details when they’re on display.
- Laundry. Other than the fact that I want to make sure that I have a full load for the cost, I seem to wait till I have nothing left to put together to wear.
- Getting organized. I finally went through my box of documents that require periodic shredding and purging.
- Career opportunities. Developing career and seeking advancement opportunities are my responsibility. Nobody else can do it for me. I don’t like to have too much on my plate that something suffers as a result. Researching and pursuing career opportunities is a LOT of work. It takes time every day to check for new job postings, putting together resume packages, interviewing, etc. When I’m doing this, this is my primary focus and number one priority.
- Income opportunities. Pursuing contract work to do administrative tasks on the side that supplement my income or possibly open up a fantastic opportunity to work and consult independently.
As you can see, some of the things I listed aren’t necessarily deal breakers. I don’t lose the confidence of family, friends, or my employer if I put off painting my toenails or that I have a pile of laundry waiting to be cleaned, as long as I show up in clean, pressed clothing and a general sense of appropriate hygiene. However, some of the other things, I’m just letting myself down. I’m missing out on so many opportunities for personal advancement and growth. Opportunities that take me a bit out of my comfort zone or doing things that I’m not familiar with or don’t know how to do.
Then there are those who have no problem keeping commitments and getting things done for other people, but don’t seem to do the same for themselves. Seriously! That’s just wrong too. By doing the things you need to do for yourself, essentially you increase your value. By this I mean, you are continuing to develop yourself, learn new skills, staying competitive as everything evolves, nurturing your self-esteem, and not putting yourself in the position of being dependent on others for approval or relying on them to meet you own expectations.
So I encourage you to develop a stronger sense of commitment. Commitment to doing even the little things that take you closer to the life you want. You’ll find that finally organizing that closet actually leaves you less stressed as you are able to find what you need, when you need it faster in the morning when you are rushing to get out. Doing your dishes the night before makes you feel good when you come home from a long day at work to make dinner in a nice clean kitchen. Just some examples.
What things do you find yourself procrastinating on? Is there something that you have been procrastinating on for so long that maybe you should just take it off your list, get rid of it, and move on? Are there things you do that help motivate you, like listening to your favorite music or doing the activity with a friend? Share your ideas, your frustrations, your challenges, your tips and tricks. Many times, when you feel like you are doing it ALL on your own, it’s nice to get an encouraging push from someone. Here’s your chance to push.
Just Do It!
I believe that we are all connected. Treat others with dignity and respect. Well, that’s what I try to do. It’s hard sometimes when you are dealing with people who do not treat you with dignity and respect.
For most, your job is your identity. It’s not the dollars that give you value, but the pride you take in your work, the skills and knowledge that you have cultivated over the years, and the satisfaction you feel when you provide a service that contributes to the success of your employer or boss.
Sometimes I think of it as a test, a test of my character. Will I rise above or will I sink to the level of the person who is doing everything they can to demean or intimidate me. Will I cower and allow someone else to reduce my self-esteem. And it is hard, hard not to place some sense of value of myself by the opinions of others or whether someone likes me or not.
Stay strong. Have faith. Always remember that you are unique and important in the larger scheme of things. Try to have patience and understanding for those who are unkind to you. You may not be aware of what they may be going through in their own personal life at the moment, they won’t tell you. Or, for some, just the power of their position can make them cocky and full of self-importance.
Life runs in cycles. It has its ups and downs, great successes and great losses in health, relationships, career, etc. No one is immune when it comes to trials and everyone has the ability to achieve great success.
Listen to and appreciate the people who matter to you and move on from those who don’t. Wish them well, but do not permit them into your psyche to wreak havoc on your mental attitude, chip away at the greatness that is within you, or tear you down. In a job, you just don’t know what you are getting into.
In these times, it is not necessarily that easy to just find another job, but continue to seek out other opportunities. It might take some time and you deserve good things and good people in your life who encourage you, uplift you, help you navigate, and who genuinely appreciate and care about you.
With gratitude and appreciation,
Humans are the only creature on earth that can actively choose, determine, and think. It is our own thinking that determines the quality of our own life. Circumstances may play a role in the choices we make. We can choose to let circumstances determine how we live or we can choose what we do with those circumstance to live the life we want.
People. Appreciate the people that are around you. Every person has a skill and talent. Sometimes it may not be obvious because they hide behind hurt and anger that stems from their own personal past events, but tend to project it onto their present environment. Don’t be that person, but try to be compassionate to those who do. You don’t need to know all the details of the “why,” but accepting of who they are. It may be finding a way to appreciate someone and not knowing what is deeper in that person to appreciate.
We are all connected. The fact that certain individuals are in your life are opportunities to learn about yourself, or to learn more about a quality such as compassion, tolerance, patience, understanding, temperance, grace, love.
Judgements. We live in a world where people judge on first impressions. Try to get past the initial impressions and dig a little deeper. We all want acceptance and appreciation. It’s not about changing people to how we would like for them to be as we all have our own unique path and process of evolution.
Circumstances. Our particular environment can either drive us further into a life we really don’t want, or it can give us the passion and determination to find a way toward a path that is more consistent with who we are and what we desire.
To get away from the sometimes craziness that can seem the norm when doing “the job” or when out participating in the world, my home is my sanctuary. My home reflects me and comforts my soul. I’m surrounded by music that that feeds my soul in whatever mood I’m in at the moment. I’m surround by a variety of books displayed in beautiful bookcases that always encourage me to read about things that motivate me, inspire me, and teach me.
Like water, soil, and sun to a plant, I make every effort to create an environment in my home that nurtures me, that is a haven of warmth and graciousness. Hopefully the qualities that I choose to live in spills over to the person I am at work, with friends, when I get my coffee in the morning, how I interact with the people I know and don’t know. It is here that I have control over what I see, hear, and feel. I choose things that make me smile, that expand my personality and unique style.
The more you reach out for the things to incorporate into your life is more of what you will start to find naturally gravitating toward you. For example, have you ever bought a car and then the day you drive off the lot you seem to see your car EVERYWHERE. Life seems to work that way. You start seeing more of what it is that you are bringing into your own life.
This is your challenge: Send out more of what you want to see coming into your life. Here is where you get to use your power of “choice.” Be accepting those things that are more you and want in your life, and choose to decline those things, people, and circumstances that aren’t. By discovering and appreciating what is uniquely you, you are able to appreciate and allow others to process their own path without judgment. It’s not a perfect world, but it is YOUR world. Create the world you choose to live in. It may not be perfect, but it is continually evolving, as it should be. Be confident in the person you are and what you have to offer the world. You make a difference just by showing up and being a part of it. You may inspire others because you have the courage to dance to your own music.
It’s not an overnight process. It does take time. Patience takes time, kindness and tolerance to less-than-tolerant people takes patience, and living in a state of grace takes a lot of kindness and tolerance.
In conclusion, I wish upon you an abundance of grace.
With great affection,
Nothing is perfect and, really, would we want it to be? What would we have to challenge us? What would inspire us to push past our comfort zone and do or be what we may not believe is who we are or capable of? Isn’t it the discontent of achieving beyond our limitations that inspires us? Isn’t the mere fact that “limitations” shouldn’t even be in our vocabulary.
I want to inspire you today to GO FOR IT! Stop dreaming, pining, wishing and DO IT! I am truly excited for you and WITH you. Why? Because you deserve it. You really do!
Why am I writing this today? I have had my challenges to overcome for quite some time. Thinking, “Okay, when is the pendulum going to start swinging my way?” This has become a transformative year for me. Relocating back to California, again, was scary and I had a lot of work to do to get on my feet and start over. It’s nice to be able to wipe the slate clean and just kind of start over, but you bring along with it some of your past that may need to be resolved and, in essence, some baggage to clear up.
I had a laundry list of stuff I had to do.
- Help my mom through the difficulty of losing one of her children, my brother, to cancer one week coming into the California border. I had my own emotions to sort through to process the death of my “big” brother. Not a close relationship, but fond and admirable nonetheless.
- Help my mom through her second hip surgery. Surgery went great, but recovery wasn’t going so well and me and my siblings almost lost our beloved mother at age 84. I convinced the facility to send her home where I would personally care for her. I even helped her to start walking again after 10 years of getting around in a wheelchair.
- Find a job. Through aggressive pursuit, I landed a job with the State of California. I did this with my mom trying to tell me that California is just not hiring. I would tell her to stop with such talk and convince her that there were great opportunities for someone with my skill and background.
- Find my own place. I happened to fall in the perfect place, for where I was at in my life, at the perfect moment.
All of this within the first six months coming back home to California. That, in and of itself, was quite an accomplishment.
I have been back in California for a little over two years now and this year has “success” written all over it. I had some mishaps along the way. For example, while working full-time and taking a college course and in finals, I failed a promotional exam. I was carrying a lot on my mind and just didn’t have the focus to blow up the exam. I didn’t beat myself up and think I must be stupid as hell. I still had a lot to do and knew that the perfect opportunity would arrive. I passed the exam with flying colors the next time I took it, but I was also able to make it my focus and nothing consumed my brain when the time came.
I believe we are presented opportunities when we are ready. When something that I want does not come through or I feel like I am beating my head against a wall to get it, I resolve to let it go knowing that it is not in the design, at least for the moment.
My point is, DO SOMETHING. You can’t set the wheels in motion unless you take action that gets you from where you are today to where you want to be. Interestingly, you will find other opportunities just showing up out of nowhere.
I started writing this blog on accident. I had set up a website to explore my own business. Holding down a full-time job and taking classes, I wasn’t able to market or work that part of it. I started writing. Now I have people from all over the world I get to know and interact with. I wouldn’t have had that if I didn’t start writing here. I fell into something I enjoy doing by taking action on something I wanted.
You see, we may see something that we want, but we can end up getting something better.
- Determine. What do you want?
- Brainstorm. What do you need to do to get where you want to go?
- Take action. Just take that first step to get you going in your intended direction.
- Focus. Keep going. Do the next thing.
- You hit a roadblock. Do something else that moves you toward your desire.
- Determination. Keep going. It’s okay to take a break and recoup, but set a limit and plunge back in with conviction to accomplish the next series of steps.
- Celebrate. Enjoy the process. Enjoy the moment of accomplishment. Do the happy dance. Let the joy surround you in the moment and the people you are with.
- Move on. If you have people who you feel aren’t excited with you, know when to limit or sever your time with them. You are moving in directions they allow fear to hold them back. You have courage to jump when they are held motionless. Move on to people and circumstances that will start coming your way because you have opened your world up to and expanded your vision.
Watch your world open up! It is truly exciting and you are truly courageous to put yourself out of your comfort zone, believe that you are exceptional, and have the faith that you deserve all the great things life has to offer you.
I’m cheering for you. Let me know what you’re doing in going after the “brass ring.” NO, let’s make it the “platinum ring.”
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Sometimes life is a circus and everyone else is the Ringmaster. Don’t let that deter you from getting what you are after. Push through and enlist help whenever and wherever you can. Most people are more than willing to help, 1. if they can, and 2. if it costs them nothing more than a little bit of time and effort, without burden or expectation.
Over the past month I have been focusing on couple of my goals. At times, there are moments that seem to be effortless. At others, I feel stuck and frustrated. I feel like I have hit a wall and my progress has become stilted. It is in these moments that I must remember to forge ahead, think of alternate and different methods of getting to the next desired step of the process.
In getting a task completed, I must talk to various personnel in different state departments. Some people will have an attitude right out of the gate. Well, a less than helpful one anyway. I believe that there are many people who do not appreciate what they do or do not see the value in what they do. Instead of being helpful, they go to lengths to make it difficult for the person on the receiving end to get what they are looking for. So it is my goal to get them on my side by letting them know that I appreciate everything they are doing to help me. They probably feel unappreciated, underpaid, overworked, and undervalued. Well, I appreciate and value what they are doing for me even if in the end I still need to seek out another resource to get the task completed. And, I will let them know that too by thanking them for their time and effort at the conclusion of our conversation.
When enlisting help or getting someone on your side, tell them what you are trying to do and why. Sometimes it brings out the cheerleader in them. It creates purpose instead of just doing the job. They now have a reason to help you succeed and who doesn’t like seeing someone achieve their goal. They get to be a part of your success. And, to be honest, we really can’t do it all on our own without the help of others doing what they can on their side to get to the finished result.
If they are not able to provide you with what you need, ask questions. Ask them where or who you can talk to get the information you need. Ask for suggestions or solutions. Ask for names and phone numbers of possible resources. If they have information, but need some time to collect or process it, follow up with them later. Let them know that you will be following up and when so they don’t feel like you are taking up their time when there is nothing else they can do on their end. They will let you know if they have done everything they can and a nice courtesy would be to thank them for their time and to let them know that you will not be contacting them until you have the information you need to provide to them.
You may feel like you are running around in circles. It is possible that you just might be. Forge on. Move on to another portion of your task and it is possible, with time, the information you are seeking will appear. Sometimes, things need a little bit of time to work themselves out and come together. I call that,
Giving it time to marinate.
I have found that many things work in an ebb and flow kind of manner. Some things seem to just roll through and you find yourself speedily getting what you need done. Then there are the times when you are at a standstill or even lost in the process. Take those times to recharge, come up with creative solutions, ask for help, and muster up determination. Also, start your day out with a positive affirmation. Something like,
Today is a great day. I will get so much done and everything will come together perfectly for me.
Create a positive attitude in that if you do not get what you need at that instantaneous moment, there is a perfect time that it is supposed to be resolved that is to your advantage. Pushing harder on something that doesn’t give just elevates frustration and stress. Step away and take a look at the situation in a different perspective or angle. Just like a wall, you might need to dig a tunnel to go under it, or you may need to go around it, or find a way to climb over it. Many times our biggest hurdle is our own attitude.
You are the Ringmaster of your life. Don’t let others make you feel like you don’t have the controls. You get to make the decisions and that includes how you treat people along the way. Be gracious, helpful, and accommodating and they will do whatever they can on their end to help you get through the hoop.
I attempt to lead a relatively simple and, to a certain degree, quite a minimalist lifestyle. Sometimes that makes me feel like a bit of an outsider at times. Not always going with the direction of what would be considered “normal” or necessarily mainstream. Not so much a follower of the population, but I do try to follow my heart, listen to my intuition, and keep my eyes open for “signs.” I don’t mean to sound metaphysical, just to express that, with all the craziness of trying to keep up, I make every effort to retain my perspective, the idea of who I am and want to be, and my sanity by not getting bogged down by all the activity that takes place around me that can steer me off of who I inherently am inside or question the greatness that is within me and provoke me to act in a way that is against my best judgment or call into question my morals and values of what I believe is right. Living my life with integrity that represents the core of who I am, the contribution that I make with the people I interact with each day, and the appreciation I receive when I am authentic.
What You Already Know
There are things that you already know about yourself. What you like, what you don’t like. Do you find when you do something that you already know you don’t like, you find yourself disappointed? I do. So why do we keep doing it? Is it thinking that there will be a different outcome? Or that the situation deserves another chance? I love trying new things, new foods, new styles, new destinations, meeting new people. That’s different. When you continue to do things that you know doesn’t work for you, what does it take to make you clear your closet of that and replace with something that doesn’t work for you with something new that may be even better.
Moments of Epiphany
It dawned on me that I don’t look good in grey. I love black and white, those are always my classic colors, but grey completely washes me out and makes me look and feel drab. I know I have a pair of grey pants, so why do I keep them? To reduce the clutter in my life for what doesn’t work for me it is time to get rid of the grey in my life. I also have a wide array of lipstick colors, but there is only one that I always “want” to wear, because no matter what I wear it always looks great. I do have a second color that adds a little punch, and I stroke a bit of my favorite over the top of that. I can also wear just about any gloss over the top of my favorite and it looks fabulous. So why do I hold onto the rest of the colors? I keep thinking if I wear pink, the pink lipstick would look good; or I would wear red during the Christmas holidays, but when I do, I don’t think it is my best color. What I should do is toss all the lipsticks that are taking up space and stick with my “classic” and splurge every once in a while on a fun gloss to mix things up. I’ve also come to realize that black eyeliner is just too much for me and the browns always make my blue eyes that much more bluer. The solution… get rid of the colors that don’t make me feel good, get colors that do make me feel good, and try some new colors that just might make me feel good.
You Have So Many Choices
I loved working in law, I also loved working in engineering. I find both industries to be dynamic, interesting, intellectual, and challenging. I’ve worked in other industries and find them rather boring in comparison. So why haven’t I focused on finding more work that is in line with law or engineering? I guess I never took the time to realize some of the specifics about what I love about being a executive professional other than being really good at getting things done and how to get things done. Still, the industry in which you work can provide passion in the details of what you are doing and why.
Create a List of You
I’ve written in the past about making a list of what you want to accomplish and listing what you need to do to get there. But, I never suggested, starting your list of assessing who you are and what you already know you love or what makes you feel good. If you use this as a starting point, you are able to hone in on what activities or goals are really a perfect match for you, instead of chasing after what you think you should be doing. You will avoid a lot of wasted time and disappointment by going after things that really make your spirit sing. I don’t regret working in the various different industries. After all, that is what helped me discover more clearly what I do love in the work I do. I can also expand on the skills I provide because I have become more conscious of what I naturally have a knack for, what I struggle with, or what I’m really not very good at.
Make It Work For You
I work out at the gym five or six days a week. There are times when I can’t wait to get into the gym that day and am actually looking forward to it. Other days, I have to literally drag myself to the gym, but once I get there, I am full steam and motivated. I didn’t think I would like the elliptical, but found it to be less stressful on my knees and, after a while, now find myself enjoying it as I get into the rhythm of the music for the pace that makes me feel pumped up. I didn’t think I would enjoy the cycle because I am sitting down, I think I could be accomplishing much more aerobically by doing something else. Now I find the cycle almost meditative, I’m able to decompress on the cycle and even watch a movie, and still break a sweat. I also spend an hour on the elliptical and a half-hour on the cycle to offset my thinking that I am not pushing myself like I should. I tend to feel intimidated by weights, but have found that I can get through them very quickly and find myself already done. So I have found ways that make my workouts enjoyable, makes me look forward to going in each day, and feel like I’m missing out when I don’t go. The pros: I feel more fit, my weight is more manageable, and I’m reaching health goals. The cons: being early in the year, the gym is sometimes pretty crowded and it is almost like “Where is Waldo?” when looking for a piece of equipment. I don’t care for crowded locations to a certain degree and would prefer a lighter amount of traffic that makes me feel like there is more air and space flow that surrounds me. So I go as late as possible without getting out of the gym at midnight when I have to get up early in the morning.
Just Do It!
By eliminating what doesn’t work for you and replacing it with the things that do, you create more balance in your life. Believe it or not, many times it is the “things” in our life that we don’t let go of, knowing that it isn’t right for us, that clutters our minds and our life. By removing these things, you allow better things to come into your life, whether you know it or not. And you become more particular and more focused on what you already know works for you to allow them in. This includes friendships and relationships. You and I are sometimes the very people who set up our own roadblocks by letting the unimportant take up space in our lives. We allow it take up residence in our psyche thinking we have a reason for letting it be there.
Don’t! Get rid of what is unnecessary. Make room for what makes you feel good. There are some things that you just can’t change at this very moment, but you can make a concerted effort to step away for a moment to clear your mind space and come back centered and focused. Sometimes you may just need to let what is going on around you just sort of flow past you. To let the energy around the activity sort of pass by with very little reaction from you. To just not take that day so seriously. And, sometimes, to just take a personal day and step away to shake off and let some of the intensive energy settle in order to get back in, hopefully with your perspective, your energy, and your authentic self to reemerge.
Thank You
We are continually on a journey of self-discovery. Find appreciation in the things that make you remarkable; find appreciation in the remarkable things around you; find appreciation in the little things that come your way; find appreciation in the challenges that you take on and overcome along the way that make you stronger, wiser, and more patient.
Find the Grace of God in each day, whenever you can.
If you find this article helpful, pass it on to someone who can use a boost. If you know someone who always seems overwhelmed or a bit harried in life taking over, this article might remind them of their value and the importance of taking the time to appreciate themselves. And, if you liked this article and it really kind of hits home with you, leave a comment and let me know. I would love to hear from you and hear about what keeps you authentic. And thank you for stopping by to visit with me.
Everybody has their strengths and weaknesses. Everyone is unique and adds value. You find value and appreciation in a job when your boss recognizes what you are good at and gives you plenty of opportunity to shine in, not only what you are great at, but what you love to do. It is equally crushing to have a boss who takes away projects that you are great at and seems to seek every opportunity to either make your job unpleasant or look for ways to see you fail or sabotage you. However, when given a task that you aren’t very knowledgeable in or lack the expertise, see it as a challenge, an opportunity to develop another skillset.
In everything you do, do with excellence. Your work and your talents are a reflection of you. The quality of your work isn’t about whom you give it to, appreciative or unappreciative, it’s about you. Anything worth doing is worth doing great. So that means, it’s not about anybody else, it’s all about you. Take pride in your work and what you have to offer. You seem to have a knack to make spreadsheets sing or words just flow on a page. You make it look so easy that other’s don’t realize the actual knowledge and talent it takes to create something so fabulous.
When my boss said that he wanted to assign a spreadsheet to someone else to help me in reducing my workload, at first I was a bit peeved. The work on my side was complete, I was waiting for another department to put together their portion for me to integrate into multiple workbooks. To me, that project was easy. Also, if he assigned the project to someone else, most people would get lost in the code. It’s all over the place, running across multiple sheets, and ultimately it would be linked and consolidated into another workbook.
It quickly dawned on me that the workbook was, in fact, not mine. It was my boss’s to do with what he wishes. So, in my head, I let it go. I responded to my boss that if he felt it was in the best interest of the assignment to have someone else do it, then it should be reassigned. Needless to say, I am still managing the workbooks and working on the consolidation process. The lesson for me was to learn to let go. To realize that in a power struggle, there is no ownership. So even if you win, it will have been with conflict and, more to the point, you will have created more grief for yourself in the long run. It’s a lose-lose situation. You will have won the battle, but lost the war.
Pick and choose your battles. Lots of other opportunities will come your way. Just be open to them. That includes trying new things. Shine in all your endeavors. After all, you are a consummate professional, you are able to perform with grace under pressure, and you are really good at what you do.
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or others will do it for you.
Interestingly, I’m hoping this comes across as an inspirational piece. With the old year coming to a close and a new year just on the horizon, some may be looking ahead with a sigh instead of a glint of hope for their 2010 future. So I hope reading this is a gentle reminder of the contribution that you make every day as a professional assistant.
It is important that you take an active role in who you are. It’s easy to get beaten down. Don’t allow other people to define who you are. I tend to be a pretty straight forward kind of person. If I care about you, I will be completely honest with you; not brutal, but honest. On the flip side, if I don’t care what you think, I am more likely not to tell you what I think. There’s a point, really.
There are people out there who are so dissatisfied with their lives that they: 1) let everyone know, 2) make life miserable for anyone who comes within their sphere of contact, and/or 3) try to put other people down by being mean-spirited or doing everything they can to make others look bad, even if that means lying. First let me say, try not to let them get to you. Needless to say, these are the people I don’t bother to give my opinion or voice what I think. In fact, I make great efforts to speedily move on. Limit your contact as much as possible if you can.
I have worked with a variety of different bosses, with different styles. I come from a mid-size family, six siblings, and we all have very different personalities. It’s amazing we are all related. I have friends from all ranges of economic and educational backgrounds. The people we come into contact with have an affect on how we think of ourselves, our value, and our self-esteem.
It’s important that you manage, to the best extent you can because we cannot “control” every person or situation we come into contact with, the people and things that you do choose to bring into your life that greatly influences you. So make them count.
Some things you can do to be the best you believe you are destined to be:
Always Do Your Best.
There are a lot of people who work for very difficult bosses or clients. The first thing that always comes to my mind to say is, “Quit.” After a while people start avoiding them. Nobody wants to hear it, and if they really hate it, then why aren’t they making efforts to find something else, something better. Please go, so the rest of us can get our work done. No pity parties here.
I remember some friends of mine, when I lived in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, that were teachers. I would always hear how they don’t get paid very much, that class sizes are a lot to manage, sometimes they feel like the babysitter or they were the ones that were supposed to teach a kid to be respectful, hard-working, industrious, and to treat others with respect, but they LOVE what they do. They absolutely love teaching. They love the satisfaction of possibly having an impact on a child. So for the teacher who goes into work each day, feeling under-appreciated, you have a major impact on our future. You make a difference.
In the administrative field, we can feel the same way. Our boss treats us like we’re uneducated or that it doesn’t take that much skill to type something up, or organize a filing system, or answer the phone and make each caller feel like they are important and the company’s number one priority, or put together a spreadsheet. I’ve seen some online job sites where the expectation for quality administrative services is requested at maybe $5.00 an hour.
If you love what you do and you are GREAT at what you do, don’t let “them” affect the output of your work. Define yourself by the quality of the work that you do. It’s not about the person, it’s YOUR work. How you submit your work each day or in every assignment is a testament to the quality and professionalism of what you bring to the industry.
Even attorneys get a bad rap. The hurdles, sacrifices, and time; the college, the cost of tuition, the bar exam, and there are people who treat them like they are all ambulance chasers. I used to work as the assistant to two partners of a law firm in St. Paul, Minnesota. One was a man, the other a woman. I have such a high regard for both of them, not only professionally, but how they conduct themselves personally as well. They define the law profession to me. It’s the rest who choose to perpetuate the reputation you want to stay clear of.
It’s the same in the administrative field. Stand out as someone exceptional. Have pride in what you do, your talents and skills, knowledge and education, and who you are. You bring a lot to the profession. We have to undo all the incompetence that bad assistants bring to the profession.
Keep Learning.
Read great information that keeps you informed and on top of your industry; blogs, books, audio, video. Take classes. Go to seminars. Find a mentor. Ask someone you admire how something is done that you don’t know.
Take Pride in Yourself.
I’m not saying to be proud in an arrogant kind of way, just that you are not always going to get that “pat on the back.” So you have to give them to yourself. Surround yourself with people who are proud of you and make you smile in your personal life. You may not necessarily find yourself working in an environment of great leadership, but you can surround yourself with the people who have the qualities and attitude that you wish to aspire each day.
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In 1945, Jackie played one season in the Negro Baseball League, traveling all over the Midwest with the Kansas City Monarchs. But greater challenges and achievements were in store for him. In 1947, Brooklyn Dodgers president Branch Rickey approached Jackie about joining the Brooklyn Dodgers. The Major Leagues had not had an African-American player since 1889, when baseball became segregated. When Jackie first donned a Brooklyn Dodger uniform, he pioneered the integration of professional athletics in America. By breaking the color barrier in baseball, the nation’s preeminent sport, he courageously challenged the deeply rooted custom of racial segregation in both the North and the South.
At the end of Robinson’s rookie season with the Brooklyn Dodgers, he had become National League Rookie of the Year with 12 homers, a league-leading 29 steals, and a .297 average. In 1949, he was selected as the NL’s Most Valuable player of the Year and also won the batting title with a .342 average that same year. As a result of his great success, Jackie was eventually inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1962.
…
http://www.jackierobinson.com/about/bio.html
Let me clarify that when Jackie Robinson started, he was spit on as he entered the field with the rest of his team. He was exceptional at what he did and did not let others define him or compromise his ethics when it came to doing what he loved, and what he was GREAT at.
As I’ve said many times before, “Love what you do.”
“Be the change you want to see in the world.” -Gandhi
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I believe there are three qualities, that when cultivated, bring upon a domino effect of other admirable traits conducive to personal development. Courage, self-confidence, and graciousness.
COURAGE
Courage is about standing up for what you believe in. Courage is standing firm when everyone around you is caving in for what you believe is right. It is not about bulldozing over other people to get what you want or to get your way. It’s not about being a bully. Courage is something as simple as doing something that you normally don’t have the nerve to do, but you do it anyway.
I don’t necessarily see myself as extraordinarily extroverted, but am very outgoing and personable with people I know and trust. So it takes a lot for me to approach people and things I don’t know. However, I do think of myself as friendly and approachable. It is important for me to get myself out and commune and interact with people. I’m someone who you will find in the back watching as others engage, but once I’m involved and participating, I lighten up and am able to enjoy a friendly exchange.
It’s about baby steps. Someone who loves to sing, but is aware that they aren’t the greatest singer, a baby step would be to go out and sing karaoke. It’s about courage, taking a leap of faith that you won’t be ridiculed and heckled. And, seriously, I have never seen someone, even really bad, given a hard time for putting themselves out there and sing for everyone to hear. If nothing else, the surrounding crowd will clap and cheer them on. Talk about encouragement! We’re not talking about the prospects of becoming a rock star, but it is definitely one baby step to give you the confidence to take on the next challenge with courage.
SELF-CONFIDENCE
Self-confidence is about knowing what you are good at, you own gifts and talents, and not taking personally or believing someone else’s harsh comments that are only meant to crush you. I have heard it said that many people try to hold down people close to them so they don’t surpass, grow past, or succeed before them. They keep them in their comfort zone. Well, who wants to be comfortable? Who wants to be unchallenged? Who wants to stagnate and stay where they are? And, do you really want to have a relationship with someone who does want to be content with who and how they are?
Self-confidence is not about being arrogant, cocky, or bossy. Those traits actually signal a lack of self-confidence. They are covering up insecurities and worry about being found out. It could be very much unfounded, but have lacked the encouragement and have overcompensated in “puffing” their attitude so they, themselves, will believe it.
Self-confidence has patience that not everyone else knows or can do what you do, and that is a gifted opportunity to teach or guide. You build a reputation and people will seek you out to know what you know. I have heard, start with what you believe your strengths are, grow and nurture them and they will increase exponentially. By focusing on things that you don’t find to be a natural talent, you can become good or even very good at it, but you may find yourself frustrated or exhausted in the process. Doing something you love and find pleasure in, even in the process of the challenges, encourages you to find your greatness.
I consider myself a “work in progress,” ever evolving. That is why I love to learn. Everything is changing at the speed of light. It is not to say I can keep up, but to continually strive to learn and grow with all the knowledge that comes available.
GRACIOUSNESS
Graciousness is about being kind and considerate to yourself and those around you, no matter where you or they are in life. Graciousness is about appreciation. You can find appreciation in your challenges. They push you past who you think you are to something better or to create something better from those circumstances for you and others. Graciousness is about giving because you can.
Graciousness is not about being taken advantage of or being manipulated and feeling used. It’s about finding peace and acknowledging what is good in what is presented to you at each given moment. You are able to let go of the flaws and imperfections and realize that we are all on our own path.
I believe, when cultivating these qualities, the by-product is self-respect and respect from those around you. It’s a process and a journey. We live and learn, make mistakes along the way, and hopefully create the person in us that we desire to be and become.
What qualities would you like to see more of in yourself and/or in others? What could you do today that would enhance a quality you would like to see in yourself? Your thoughts and input are always encouraged and appreciated.
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