Administrative Sparkle

For me, everyone starts at 100%. I always wanted to be a teacher. So every student coming into my class would start with a solid A. So instead of feeling like you have to work toward an A, it’s all about maintaining an A. This works the same way with relationships with me. I get the idea of trust being something that you have to work for or earn, but if a person already has that trust, it’s a disappointment when that trust has been violated. Therefore, I believe starting off with a relationship built on trust holds the person accountable and encourages maintaining a level of trust. When done the opposite, a person always feels like they have to establish trust and, in reality, has nothing to lose.

When starting a relationship built on trust, when that trust has been violated, the consequences are more severe. It’s not a “three strikes, you’re out” kind of thing. It’s about rising to expectations of the person you impress upon others by what you say and your actions.

People and businesses are expected to be transparent. The internet has actually made that more paramount than we otherwise thought. Transparency is about your integrity and the quality that you bring to your relationships, whether business or personal. When you talk the talk, you walk the walk. Isn’t it much easier being authentic and appreciated for the individual you are and the unique value you bring to any relationship? I think so. When you don’t, you don’t value the amazing person that you are and run the risk of being a fraud.

Here are some common signals of deceit:

• Dilated pupils
• More pauses in conversation
• More speach errors
• Fewer specific details
• More “allness” phrases – all, always, everyone, none, nobody
• Less eye contact or more eye contact, depending on the norm
• Fewer body movements or more body movements
• Sometimes more self-touching
• Sweating
• Higher-pitched voice
• Shorter verbal responses
• Flushed cheeks (when the conversation doesn’t warrant it)
• Increased blinking
• Hands to mouth, covering it or wiping/rubbing it
• Fingernail biting
• Fake cough
• Nose rub
• Eye rubbing or pretending something is in the eye
• Increased swallowing
• Chewing of the inside of the mouth
• Drying of the mouth

These are things that would subtly stand out because these mannerisms or responses are not their norm. As your sixth sense kicks in, it is natural that your own signals will reflect your doubt and give off cues of what is being said and the body signals that are being conveyed. Keep in mind that when the person lying picks up on this, they will alter their nonverbal cues to come across more believable.

Lies can generally be revealed in the details. It is more difficult to recount details along with consistency when lying than when events or intentions actually occur. Pay attention to mannerisms that are not consistent of their normal behavior and statements that are not congruent. When in doubt, go with your gut.