You may keep a mental list or have a written list. A written list makes it permanent. You can go back and review it, update it, reference it to remind yourself of your expectations or what you’re looking for. Lists are GREAT!
Interestingly, we make lists of things we need to do or our expectations of other people or our circumstances. Mostly our standards tend to be a mental note.
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New Resource Link
In the past, I haven’t posted updates to new links added to the sidebar of Administrative Sparkle. But I do make changes. When I come into information or websites that are beneficial to the profession, I like to share. That’s just who I am.
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Do you put off doing some of the things you know should be done? I have done this very thing! Yes, I am prone to put off doing things that are important and could even smack of self-sabotage to a certain degree. I will tell you what I had procrastinated doing and what I finally did to rectify it. Here is my learning experience and it is possible you can take something away from this, as well as bubble up some “action items” of your own to get you back on your path to success.
Working for the State of California, there are a lot of exams and assessments for array of job classifications and promotional positions. There is a test for everything. The challenge is finding what exams and assessments are available and then determining what you are qualified to apply for.
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Several years ago I discovered the blogosphere. Some really fantastic writing on different topics that I too was interested in. Blogs started out as a way of journaling. Sort of like “reality tv” that is so popular now. However, prsonal lives, venting, baby pictures, travel pictures, pet pictures don’t interest me. That is why on Administrative Sparkle you don’t hear me talking about where I spent my vacation and what I did or my personal challenges.
When I decided to share my personal Facebook page, I gave an all access pass to my readers to join me on my journey in both my personal life and professional life. Some will think I’m crazy.
We are taught to keep our personal and professional lives separate. Only friends and family really get insight into our struggles, disappointments, challenges, victories, and general goings on in our personal life. There are those who live a sort of double life. There is the image that they project for others to see at work and then there is this other personality when they are off the clock.
I believe we should strive to be exceptional in both our personal and professional lives. So why shouldn’t what you do and how you do it be held accountable for the true integrity of the person you are in how you conduct your life. So, thus, you get insight into who I genuinely am. Not perfect by any means, but human. And, like you, trying to make decisions that benefit and don’t hurt me or others.
Facebook allows me to connect with other people with similar interests, keeps me connected to my kids (now that they are grown and living on their own 1,000s of miles away), as well as stay on the radar with people I have met and worked with in the different states I have lived. These relationships would otherwise fall off and become distant, fond memories. Including the readers of Administrative Sparkle, I am allowing my peers the journey with me and I with them. It’s collaborative and supportive, and I hope will be a kick in the butt when I need that too.
Accountability. Some of us need it. It pushes us to be better. We don’t want to let down or disappoint the people we respect and admire. It’s not about being better than “someone else.” It’s about being better than the person we are now.
I’m bringing more accountability into my life; for example, developing accountability partners for various areas of my life and specific goals. Life coaches do this. Some people just can’t do it on their own, but when they have given permission to answer to someone, it gives them that push to meet specific deadlines and stretch themselves; to be less inclined of passivity in letting circumstances in life lead them. Take more control, ownership, and actively promote direction to lead a life that has meaning to them because they’ve paved the way for opportunities to come their way.
So what are some of the things I do to create accountability in my life and keep me on track?
- My kids. I have a daughter who turns 25 in May and a son who is 24 as of this writing. My daughter and I are pretty close even with 3,000 miles separating us. We don’t necessarily talk every day, but when she has a question, she will call, text, or email me. At one point, about three years ago, I asked her why she was asking me. She said, “Because you are the smartest person I know.” Wow! I was so taken aback and so humbled that my daughter had a genuine respect and appreciation for me as her mom. So, yes, I want to be that person that my kids look up to and aren’t embarrassed about.
- Facebook. Believe it or not, when you put your life out there on the internet for other people to scrutinize, you are giving permission to those to give you feedback. I consider my readership to be my peers, I appreciate their feedback, and I believe that the people I attract to Administrative Sparkle are seekers of knowledge, growth, and personal development in all areas of their lives.
- Accountability Partners. I recently developed a sort of accountability partnership with someone that I work with who is doing a similar health and fitness plan as myself. At the moment, it is not something that we formally agreed on, “I will be your accountability partner and you will be mine;” we’ve just been keeping tabs on each other and encouraging one another. I plan to develop accountability partners in other areas and goals.
- MasterMind. I’ve discussed this in a previous article and have yet to get involved in or form one, which I SOOO want to do. It does not necessarily have to be local individuals or require the necessity of getting together physically. So many technological tools allow us to gather like-minded people from all over the world that allows us to overcome boundaries and limitations of distance and geography.
I have added two new discussions to the Administrative Sparkle Fan Page discussion board, located at Administrative Sparkle Facebook Fan Page, and encourage you to participate on the following topics: MasterMind Greatness and Personal Development Book Club.
What strategies are you implementing to get you on the fast track to your own personal success? What tips do you have to offer that help keep you accountable? Do you think accountability is only necessary for kids or is it even more important in our adult lives navigating the shark infested waters of career, relationships, goals, and challenges? Wouldn’t it be great to have a core group of people you can celebrate your victories with? Do you feel like you are doing it all alone and it would be nice to have others to bounce ideas off of, encourage you, and even give you a kick in the butt when you’re not meeting your personal standards?
Would love to know your thoughts and ideas.
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I don’t gamble, but I love card and board games. I used to play poker and chess with my son. Wouldn’t say I was very good at it, but would love to learn the nuances of the game and figure out how to be a knowledgeable contender to some degree. I also consider these the “thinking man’s” games. They are not necessarily based purely on chance, like slot machines. You pretty much get what you get at the pull of the handle. Not with poker.
Texas Hold’em Basics
- The two players to the left of the dealer put out blind bets.
- Every player is dealt two cards, face down, called the “hole” or “pocket” cards.
- The action falls on the player to the left of the big blind. She can either call the bet, raise it, or fold. Betting continues around the table.
- After the betting is complete, three cards are dealt face up in the center of the table, which is referred to as the “board.” The first three cards are called “the flop.” These cards are called “community cards,” meaning everyone can (and will) use them in combination with their own hole cards to make the best hand. Before the dealer deals out the flop, she first deals one card face down, a “burn card.”
- From the flop on, betting begins with the player to the dealer’s left, who can check or bet.
- The dealer again “burns” a card and then deals a fourth card face up on the board. This is called “fourth street” or “the turn card.”
- There is another round of betting.
- The dealer “burns and turns” another card. The final card is called “fifth street” or “the river.”
- A final round of betting occurs. The remaining players show their cards and the person who can make the best five-card hand by combining their pocket cards with the cards on the board wins. (In some rare cases, the five cards making up the board will actually make the best hand, in which case everyone left in the hand divides up the pot.)
Your Hole Cards
During the game of Texas Hold’em, there are cards that all the players share. In the case of the administrative assistant that could be typing, phone, and general computer skills. However, like Texas Hold‘em, you have your own “hole cards.” What are these you say? These two cards are unique to you. These are your secret weapons that nobody knows. Every player has their own combination of “hole” cards. It’s these two cards that will make all the difference in your hand.
Have you figured out your best combination hole cards (skills) that you believe are your highest ranking cards? These are skills that come easy for you, that you have a natural knack or understanding for. You are a whiz at Excel; you type 100 words a minute; grammar, punctuation, and writing is your playground; you have a natural ability to make people feel comfortable and at ease; you have an ability to negotiate really good deals.
The Flop Should Fit Your Hand
After the flop, you’ve seen five out of seven cards. That’s 70 percent of the hand. When the flop comes and it doesn’t improve your hand, you should get out. This could mean that your pocket cards aren’t a good match for the overall hand.
Have you ever had the feeling that you are doing a job that doesn’t fit with your best skills? You are left feeling unchallenged. Or you discover the landscape and culture of the office you work in doesn’t fit your personality and you feel like your “breath is being choked out of you.” You can assess these in the flop and decide if you should walk away. It’s just not a winning hand for you or the employer.
Figure Out What Hands Are Possible That Could Beat Yours
I find it interesting that I feel like I do better to a certain degree when I see who I’m completing with in an initial group interview, where the employer lays out to the group what they are looking for, skills desired, and other conditions. Candidates then have the option to withdraw. This is where I get to assess and size up my competition. It’s when I don’t get to see who my competition is that my imagination runs wild and I really have to work my confidence in knowing that I am one of the best candidates for consideration.
You may not know what skills your competition is holding, but you can assess what pocket cards you want to play in that situation. Also, in the process of figuring out what skills or experience seems to attain higher rankings, research what it would take to acquire that skill or experience.
The point is, don’t downplay your pocket cards. Make a list of the things that you are really good at. These are usually the things that we tend to downplay and think everyone else can do because it comes so easy for us. Not true! These are YOUR cards. Not everybody gets them. These are also the cards that put you over the top when the cards shared by everyone else has been laid on the table.
You have some really great hole cards! Do you know what they are? Do you play them when you can?
Life has a way of throwing us unexpected curves and challenges. It is our perception that gives the outcome momentum, whether positive or negative. How would you like to see your career, relationships, and life evolve?
In reality, it takes more effort to process challenges negatively than positively. The stress on your body, mind, and relationships create havoc and damage that can be costly and time-consuming to repair. It also takes much more effort to counter-direct something that is already in motion. Did you ever notice how some things escalate in momentum depending on outside contributing factors?
Do you notice when things are good, they are very, very good? Or when things are going bad, it just goes from bad to worse? Like the belief that everything comes in threes. Or, that was the year from hell? Or, the winning streak? We actually perpetuate it in our own mind.
What I am suggesting is that when we see what appears to be a challenge, to angle our perception in a positive and constructive manner. What skill do I need to learn, adapt, or apply to meet and exceed this challenge? What outcome would be my “best case scenario?” What would I like to learn or get out of this challenge?
Newton’s Three Laws of Motion
Newton’s First Law of Motion
“Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.”
Newton’s Second Law of Motion
“The relationship between an object’s mass m, its acceleration a, and the applied force F is F = ma. Acceleration and force are vectors (as indicated by their symbols being displayed in slant bold font); in this law the direction of the force vector is the same as the direction of the acceleration vector.”
Newton’s Third Law of Motion
“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”
Love What You Do
You may be doing a job that doesn’t tap into your talents. You don’t feel respected for the contributions you make in being part of the company. The energy of the office and/or management reinforces negativity and constant criticism. There is endless reasons a job becomes a chore or dread each day you go in.
As I mentioned, when you are working with forces already existing, the effort to alter or change the direction is much greater, especially when they exist outside your influence. Some ideas:
1. Don’t participate in the negative behavior or contribute to the atmosphere. After all, you are an independent thinker.
2. Write down what your perfect office, job, boss, personal life, friendship, family dynamic, finances would be. Make it detailed and focus your intentions on cultivating that atmosphere, even if it is in your own little cubicle or tiny apartment.
3. If you are not already, continue to put your resume out there and see what comes your way. Keep your network informed that you are open to opportunities. Create new connections by getting involved in organizations and/or events, clubs, hobbies, even free classes. This opens up and expands your sphere of influence and the people in it.
Love The People You Are With
I live and work in the city, so I am surrounded by a lot of people almost all of the time. This can be good and bad. I also come from a relatively large family. There are five of us siblings. To me, if there is only one or two, in general, you know who did it! I have two kids, a boy and a girl, both grown now, and there where a lot of times I couldn’t figure who did it. Anyway, add on more and it gets to be loud, more drama, more family expectations and demands, more, more, more!
I appreciate the liveliness and energy of being surrounded in the hustle-bustle of the city, the dining, shopping, art, and culture. I also participate in my relationships with friends and family that include get-togethers and social activities. I also make every effort to protect my privacy and personal time to shut down and just focus on me.
It is easy to get swept away and feel obligated to other people and your work. Just pay attention to whether you are playing the martyr or just plain sacrificing the necessary and essential time to take care of you. If they are the right people in your life, they will understand that you cannot say “yes” to everything.
Choices are just that… Choices. I have said to my kids many times, “When you say “yes” to one thing, you are saying “no” to another.” Make sure you are saying “yes” to the things that matter and aren’t merely taking up your space, time, and energy. People also have a greater respect for someone who is doing something because they want to, not because they feel they have to.
Some things I do for a day:
1. I don’t answer the phone or texts.
2. I don’t participate in the social media when I’m online.
3. Have a spa day with a luxurious bath, do my hair and nails, right at home.
4. Do absolutely nothing all day.
5. Have a day where I clean my entire place and do my shopping, all my stuff.
Not a lot of suggestions, but the ones that work for me and really reinforce that I am taking care of the most important person in my life… Me!
Love Yourself
At this point, this actually sounds redundant because everything I am writing here is about appreciating yourself and creating boundaries that keep you sane. I also believe that treating other people better than you treat yourself creates internal resentment.
Would you have yourself as a friend? Are you kind and gracious to yourself? Do you follow through on your promises to yourself? Do you respect your own boundaries? Or would you kick yourself to the curb because you are unreliable, ungenerous, and downright inconsiderate to yourself?
Do you treat yourself like the “love of your life?”
Why not?! Don’t you deserve it?! Damn right you do. If you don’t, nobody else will for you. If you treat yourself like you come second, should you be surprised when other people do? Think about it… You’ve already given other people permission to dismiss you because you do it to yourself. Seriously, we’re like dogs. We can almost smell it. We put out energy that tells others if we respect ourselves. The meth user, the alcoholic, the verbal and/or physical abusive person, the person who chooses to play dumb. Seriously… do you really think they have respect for themselves? Do you respect them? Vicious cycle!
So, to say it again and again, love who you are and where you are in life right now. Do whatever you can that brings you joy. Learn new things that you’ve always wanted to try. Write down what you want and then create (baby) steps that take you there. People will gravitate to you like a magnet because you are interesting and bring life to whatever room or situation you enter into. You are more interesting. I don’t know anybody who doesn’t want some of that “wonderful stuff” to rub off on them.
For some, speaking in front of a group comes easy; for others, it is a challenge; and for others still, it is all out dread and fear. I think I fall between the “challenge” and “dread” classification. I have on occasion had to speak in front of a group of people. Not necessarily a formal speech, but nevertheless participate my input on the development or details of a project. I did give a speech back in college for a communications course that consisted of full-blown preparation. Even injecting myself in conversation in a social surrounding where I don’t know anybody conjures up feelings of insecurity. My heart starts pounding (like I am on the verge of a heart attack) and the onset of sweating (only a cool room will assist my appearance of looking flush and in the state of a fever).
The ability to communicate effectively is a valuable skill. One that requires continual development, practice, and assessment. There are two types of communication environments: Speeches, where you and your information are the focus; and social communication, where you are interacting and participating in an equal exchange of information and dialogue. Both extremely valuable, but very different skills are brought in.
Over the years, I have become better at mingling and socializing. Moving and living in various states across the US over the past 20 years has forced me to put myself out there, present an approachable personality, and have genuine and sincere interest in different personalities and cultures. Being thrown into the situation of having to learn “trial by fire” is not my favorite technique, but ultimately that is how you learn. By actually doing it.
How often do we get a chance to give a speech or presentation? Is this a skill that really needs to be developed? If I don’t need it for my job, why would I seek out training and learning opportunities for giving speeches? Well, here are a couple of reasons I can give you:
1. It boosts self-confidence;
2. It teaches you research and organization skills;
3. You learn social and skills of interaction;
4. You learn to “face your fears” by doing something that is out of your comfort zone and/or completely unknown virgin territory. Putting yourself at the mercy of scrutiny and criticism;
5. You increase your vocabulary knowledge and usage and express your communication more creatively;
6. You become aware of your body signals and what other people read from you that you, formerly, were not even aware of. This includes breaking certain body language behaviors that either send a mixed signal or turn your listener off.
7. You learn how to communicate in a way that makes your message interesting and your listener wants to hear what you have to say.
Toastmasters offers some great information and it costs you nothing. If you are interested in learning more about public speaking; tips and techniques; and even participating in a group that cultivates, mentors, and actual speech participation, Toastmasters is a great opportunity to receive continuous learning opportunities. It is not an expensive one- or three-day seminar that will set you back a couple grand. It is an opportunity to develop a network of like-minded people who seek personal self-development and desire to give back what they learn to others.
Some interesting links you will want to grab are the following:
This link gives you 10 Tips for Public Speaking.
This link gives you 10 Biggest Public Speaking Mistakes.
This link will give you access to the Toastmasters magazine in its entirety in PDF. You won’t have free access to the most current issue, but you can download prior magazines for each month in the years 2007 through the prior month of the most current issue. So, really, you are only one month behind. (I have to admit, I don’t always get to my magazines in the month of its publish.)
I have attended a Toastmasters a couple of times in the past. So, yes, I have to muster up the “courage” to find one that I like, that is local for me, and just “do it!”
Is there anyone who is involved with Toastmasters? What is your experience? Is there other programs or groups you would suggest in learning communication development skills? Share what you know here with us so we can learn from you! I look forward to hearing your thoughts!
We all have our days of challenge. That’s why I love the days when everything goes perfectly. As if the planets have aligned to bring me really good things. It offsets the really tough days or moments. It doesn’t necessarily make it easier in the moment, but there are definitely some little tricks in my bag of “Create Your Best Life” goodies that I tap into that bring me back to center.
I lived in Minnesota from December of 2004, moving back to California in October of 2007. My daughter was in her first year of college and my son was in his last year of high school. In 2005, my daughter decided to move to Louisiana to help with the Katrina efforts and my son signed up to join the Navy. My kids had grown up and taking on the world.
The day before Father’s Day in 2006, I was in a car accident with my son. We were driving from the Twin Cities to the Dells of Wisconsin to attend a funeral. It was the funeral for my mom’s sister. I told her my son and I would represent the family in California.
Five hours into the drive, my son fell asleep at the wheel. I could drive over 20 hours through really boring, flat countryside, so I was surprised when my son fell asleep in 5 hours. My older sister has admitted that she can’t drive more than 2 hours at a stretch. Personally, I don’t get it. But, there I was staring out my open passenger window, on a really gorgeous sunny day, and the only thought that went through my mind as the car transported over three lanes of highway sideways at the speed of light toward the side of the road was, “Oh shit.” We never made it to the funeral and all I remember about the actual accident was looking out the window, watching the side of the road and trees coming at me.
I had taken my seat belt off during the trip, having reached into the back seat for something to eat, or drink, or read. I don’t remember. I don’t remember when I flew through the open passenger window, as the car rolled three times. My son was able to get out of the car and couldn’t find me. I wasn’t around the car, I wasn’t under the car, and he couldn’t find my mobile phone. He went back to the highway to flag down help. Someone who could help him find me and hopefully had a phone to call emergency services.
I woke up the next day in a hospital. Fractured spinal column, fractured bone in my arm, fractured skull, a collapsed lung (those were the big things to overcome), and other things I don’t recall. It hurt to move even a little. My son had a little patch of hair missing from his scalp. Really, that was it. When the car rolled, it seemed to smash the roof down on the driver side of the vehicle where he sat. He was 18 and 6’2”, with his head already skimming the top of the Saturn roof.
I discovered later, while I was in the hospital, my only living grandparent, my grandmother, had died.
A year after the car accident, September of 2007, my mom called me asking me to come back “home.” My brother had been diagnosed with liver cancer. We didn’t know how long he had to live. I put my notice in at work and one month later I was back in California. Upon arriving, one week later, my brother died
In November of 2007, my son left for basic training in the Navy and my mom went into surgery for a hip replacement. Actually, it was to replace the hip she had done the first time over 20 years earlier. The surgery was a great success, but, at the recovery facility, she was loaded up on so much medication that she nearly died and was transported back to the hospital. When the hospital called me to tell me that she was doing well enough to go back to the recovery facility, I told them to release her to come home where I would take care of her. Within one week, a therapist and I had her walking with the aid of a walker.
I then started looking for work, during a time when California didn’t have a lot of jobs to pick from. Within one month, I had a job offer with the State of California. I officially became a “civil servant.” I started at the bottom, making literally half the income I made ten years ago. Within the first month at the job, I moved from my mom’s as her “in-home care provider” to my own place. The studio in Old Sacramento. That first year at the job with the State, I was then faced with three furlough days a month, which further cut into my pockets.
This is just the past four years. A lot!
There were successes:
- learning yoga to help my flexibility and strengthen my bones so I don’t have to live on pain killers for my back and head;
- moving from the snow and cold and back to the warm, dry weather;
- finding work;
- finding an apartment close to work;
- back to the gym to lose the weight I had gained from the stress and occasional bouts of depression.
And there were challenges:
- dealing with constant pain, which the Vicadin really only barely touched anyway;
- a new job with a boss who REALLY does not like me;
- making new friends; and
- basically, starting over.
So what are some of the things I’ve learned over the years?
Know, by grace, you are all blessed.
Even when you feel like curling up into a little ball to die, know that this too shall pass. There are several phrases that come to mind.
- My sister has a motto, “It could be worse.” I hate it when she says this because, well, yeah, anything could be worse. But, to me, that reinforces the negative tendency she has of thinking. Anything can be better too.
- “Make lemonade out of lemons.” This is closer to my motto. I think, “What do I need to do to turn this around?” and “How does this make me stronger?” or “What can I take away from this that I can apply in life that makes me more compassionate, tolerant, patient, appreciate the people and things I do have in my life, what’s important, what’s not important, what my values are, reinforcing integrity in my life, and assessing the people and things I allow to take up space in my life.”
- “God only gives you what you can handle.” What?!! Now realize that without challenges, life would be boring. We would not stretch ourselves to the full potential of what we are capable of without a push. I get that there are people who find some kind of sick satisfaction in wallowing in their tragedy, but I want to be the person that my kids can look up to and want to look up to. When my kids are faced with their challenges, they will reach inside themselves for the courage to do what it takes. And, yes, I also hope to inspire my kids to do great things.
Hold onto your confidence (and self-esteem) and don’t let anyone take it away from you.
You will come across “haters” and they will try to tear you down. I have to admit that there aren’t too many people who intimidate me. We are no better and no less than the homeless on the street or the high position, power person. However, you will come across people who, because of their own insecurities, will do everything they can to wreak havoc in your life, attempt to sabotage your career or efforts to reach your goals, or damage your reputation. It isn’t about you! These are people who perpetuate and project their insecurities onto others in order to make themselves feel better.
I know, weird and stupid. We should be lifting each other up and helping one another, not tearing each other down. Do not allow these people to inflict doubt and mental damage in your thinking! You bring value to each person you meet, you are here with talents and something to offer in all that you do and to all those who come into contact with you. Whether a smile on the street to and from a stranger, picking up your coffee every morning from the same coffee house, your boss, colleagues, family, on the phone, your online social network, etc. You bring value, make it positive and make it count. You don’t always get a second chance. It’s possible that you could be that person they connect with in that day that turns their day around.
Trust is hard to gain, but easy to lose.
Surround yourself with good people.
Friends who inspire you and cheer you on. Develop relationships with people you admire and respect. Make time for the people who are important to you. It takes effort. You might find this surprising, but some of the most successful people are also the most generous with their time, gratitude, and words of encouragement. Genuine success lifts people up. How do you think they got to be so successful? Yes, there are those who gain success through methods that are not reputable or ethical, but they deal with the consequences and ultimately pay a price. I would rather pay a price for doing what I believe is the right thing to do. Also, remember, money is not the measure of success.
Read.
Read books about people who inspire you, like biographies or autobiographies. Read books that are encouraging, inspiring, and motivational. Read books to gain knowledge and expand your skills. First, with the library and, now, with the internet, knowledge is free. You can find information on anything you want and apply them to yourself.
Knowledge is freedom.
Write.
Write about your challenge and what the hero would do. Be graphic and detailed. Then, BE the hero. It’s one way to put into motion to becoming your own hero in your own story. This life is your story. How would you like to see it unfold?
Create your own haven.
Mine is my home. It’s beautiful, warm, inviting, cozy, and I’m surround by lots of books and wonderful music. I can escape whatever chaos is going on around me and outside of myself and I have absolute control over what I decide to do with my haven. Sometimes I like to completely escape, no phone calls, no visitors, just me and whatever I choose to do or not do. Or I invite special people into my haven who I love and appreciate.
Take care of yourself.
I like to take luxurious baths. I make great efforts to eat good, clean food, prepared at home. I go to the gym or workout at home. I write on my blog that allows me to connect with like-minded people, like you. Laying by the pool; connecting with friends and family; reading; watching a movie. Do things you love. Find what you are passionate about and do those things that allow you to pursue and connect to it.
Find your dream and make a plan.
Do the things that take you closer to doing what you love.
Simplify your life.
That could mean cutting up credit cards and living on what you make. Clearing out things in your life you don’t want, don’t need, or just taking up space. Clear up your past. Are there things in your past that are holding you back because you have unresolved “crap” that you should be taking care of to move forward? Are there people you need to forgive or make amends to? My past has a nice collection of bad choices and decisions. It doesn’t make me a bad person, it does make me value the lessons I’ve learned and employs my creativity to figure out how to fix or resolve the fallout. We all have project resolution skills. Put it on your resume! We put resolution skills to work on our most important project, ourselves.
Simply love yourself.
We all have our flaws and imperfections. Sometimes, they can be our greatest assets. It just depends on how you decide to view them. Refer back to the “Lemon/Lemonade” analogy. If you can’t tap into appreciating and loving yourself, how can you possibly give to others what you don’t have. It’s like the glass with a crack in it. It can never be filled and it is exhausting for anybody else to have the burden of trying to fill it. Once again, realize that you bring value to your relationships and connections. Nobody is looking for perfect, just human, and has confidence in their own unique gifts and talents. Once again, become the person you envision and do whatever it takes to make that happen.
Everybody has his or her story. This is just a little bit of my story and what I have taken away from some of my own experiences and make efforts to apply. I’m still a work in progress and ever evolving. I still find myself looking for validation in others, but reminding myself that it is more important of what I think of myself. I’m still hurt when other people do things to me to inflict pain or negativity. I still have my insecurities. In the end, I love who I am, the person I am becoming, the strength I have discovered in myself, the lessons learned, and the person I know I can be.
What are some of the things you do bring out your best? What is your story? What is your biggest challenge? What are you doing to face your challenges head on and overcome? What is your one great tip that you live by? I hope you will share with the rest of us. We could all use inspiration.
You are AMAZING!
I too suffer from procrastination. Procrastinating on things that are important to me, that can propel me in a direction I want to go; but, nevertheless, procrastinating.
It’s good to take some time for yourself and relax, but when it takes away from the things you should be doing, the only person who suffers is yourself. In the end, you have nobody to blame but yourself.
So get moving, schedule in what you need to do and then, like Nike puts it so directly, commit and “Just Do It.”
Procrastination is defined by Webster’s as:
- To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.
- To postpone or delay needlessly.
I could very well stop right here. After all, those are some pretty strong words that get the point across quite succinctly, carelessness, laziness, needlessly.
Personally, the effects of procrastination can result in stress, guilt, a sense of crisis or urgency, and loss of productivity. Socially, disapproval and a reputation for not being dependable, lack of responsibility, and the inability to be accountable to your commitments or actions. Whether you are procrastinating in your personal life or with friends, family, and your employer, do you really want to be seen as someone that can’t be depended on to the people who matter to you most, let alone yourself.
So why do we procrastinate? Some were stated above in the definition: carelessness, laziness. Other reasons I would add would be fear, anxiety, believing that it isn’t that important.
There are two types of procrastinators according to Wikipedia. You have the Relaxed type and the Tense-Afraid type.
The Relaxed Type
The relaxed type of procrastinators view their responsibilities negatively and avoid them by directing energy into other tasks. It is common, for example, for relaxed type procrastinating children to abandon schoolwork but not their social lives. Students often see projects as a whole rather than breaking them into smaller parts. This type of procrastination is a form of denial or cover-up; therefore, typically no help is being sought. Furthermore, they are also unable to defer gratification. The procrastinator avoids situations that would cause displeasure, indulging instead in more enjoyable activities. In Freudian terms, such procrastinators refuse to renounce the pleasure principle, instead sacrificing the reality principle. They may not appear to be worried about work and deadlines, but this is simply an evasion of the work that needs to be completed.
The Tense-Afraid Type
The tense-afraid type of procrastinators usually feel overwhelmed with pressure, unrealistic about time, uncertain about goals, and many other negative feelings. They may feel a sense of malaise. Feeling that they lack the ability or focus to successfully complete their work, they tell themselves that they need to unwind and relax, that it’s better to take it easy for the afternoon, for example, and start afresh in the morning. They usually have grandiose plans that aren’t realistic. Their ‘relaxing’ is often temporary and ineffective, and leads to even more stress as time runs out, deadlines approach and the person feels increasingly guilty and apprehensive. This behavior becomes a cycle of failure and delay, as plans and goals are put off, pencilled into the following day or week in the diary again and again. It can also have a debilitating effect on their personal lives and relationships. Since they are uncertain about their goals, they often feel awkward with people who appear confident and goal-oriented, which can lead to depression. Tense-afraid procrastinators often withdraw from social life, avoiding contact even with close friends.
I will admit that I think I display characteristics from both of these types depending on what it is I’m procrastinating with. Some of the things I find myself procrastinating on:
- Painting my toenails. With the weather warming up, I’m wearing sandals and open-toe shoes and going to the pool. Polished toes is about the details when they’re on display.
- Laundry. Other than the fact that I want to make sure that I have a full load for the cost, I seem to wait till I have nothing left to put together to wear.
- Getting organized. I finally went through my box of documents that require periodic shredding and purging.
- Career opportunities. Developing career and seeking advancement opportunities are my responsibility. Nobody else can do it for me. I don’t like to have too much on my plate that something suffers as a result. Researching and pursuing career opportunities is a LOT of work. It takes time every day to check for new job postings, putting together resume packages, interviewing, etc. When I’m doing this, this is my primary focus and number one priority.
- Income opportunities. Pursuing contract work to do administrative tasks on the side that supplement my income or possibly open up a fantastic opportunity to work and consult independently.
As you can see, some of the things I listed aren’t necessarily deal breakers. I don’t lose the confidence of family, friends, or my employer if I put off painting my toenails or that I have a pile of laundry waiting to be cleaned, as long as I show up in clean, pressed clothing and a general sense of appropriate hygiene. However, some of the other things, I’m just letting myself down. I’m missing out on so many opportunities for personal advancement and growth. Opportunities that take me a bit out of my comfort zone or doing things that I’m not familiar with or don’t know how to do.
Then there are those who have no problem keeping commitments and getting things done for other people, but don’t seem to do the same for themselves. Seriously! That’s just wrong too. By doing the things you need to do for yourself, essentially you increase your value. By this I mean, you are continuing to develop yourself, learn new skills, staying competitive as everything evolves, nurturing your self-esteem, and not putting yourself in the position of being dependent on others for approval or relying on them to meet you own expectations.
So I encourage you to develop a stronger sense of commitment. Commitment to doing even the little things that take you closer to the life you want. You’ll find that finally organizing that closet actually leaves you less stressed as you are able to find what you need, when you need it faster in the morning when you are rushing to get out. Doing your dishes the night before makes you feel good when you come home from a long day at work to make dinner in a nice clean kitchen. Just some examples.
What things do you find yourself procrastinating on? Is there something that you have been procrastinating on for so long that maybe you should just take it off your list, get rid of it, and move on? Are there things you do that help motivate you, like listening to your favorite music or doing the activity with a friend? Share your ideas, your frustrations, your challenges, your tips and tricks. Many times, when you feel like you are doing it ALL on your own, it’s nice to get an encouraging push from someone. Here’s your chance to push.
Just Do It!
